The Story of How We Deny Our Hearts Desires
How many times have I seen a woman in my store looking at a piece of jewelry, her eyes filled with appreciation and longing, but she turns away wistfully with a variety of reasons. Here are the most common:
"I am too old/petite/big/tall/short, this piece just wouldn't look good on someone like me…"
"I can't wear long earrings."
"That design is gorgeous, but it is too dressy, I wouldn't know how to wear it."
"I love it, but I never wear jewelry, I'm just not a jewelry person…"
"My neck looks old, I don't want to draw attention to it."
"Those stones are so beautiful! But I don't think I would be able to wear a necklace that is so bold/chunky/delicate/short/long/colorful…."
"My husband wouldn't understand."
"Wow, I love this, but I really shouldn't buy myself anything."
Truly, when I think I have heard all the reasons "why I can't" a woman comes up with yet another self-limiting reason to say "no," another hurdle between herself and what she yearns to experience, wear, feel, enjoy. Just to be clear, I am not advocating being self- indulgent and selfish to the extreme, ruining your finances, or wearing something that is unflattering or uncomfortable. Sadly, these negative stereotypes are often used to reinforce woman's inner resistance to self-care.
The time has come to address the large percentage of women who don't believe they are even able to wear beautiful, feminine things or who are reluctant to appear "too much" or "inappropriate"…out of habit, denial of inner yearnings, lack of self-love; the list of reasons is long. These practical souls have pared down their desires to the bare minimum, and have plenty of logical reasons. Logic is a great tool in life, but Beauty is a language only the soul can understand and appreciate.
So why are we frugal with our joy? Why do we cut ourselves off from the possibility of feeling special/beautiful/worthy? Now, I am not saying that buying a pair of earrings is going to solve a lack of self-esteem, nor repair a lifelong tendency to neglect personal needs…but it may be a start in the right direction. It is a small affirmation of self-love. Learning the habit of self-love can be a powerful antidote to our tendency to deprive and sacrifice ourselves to the mundane realities of life.
As women we tend to be givers. We take care of everyone around us, and leave the leftovers for ourselves. We overdo, over-give, and drain ourselves. We forget to fill our inner "well" when it runs dry, or we silently hope someone else will do it for us. We have a habit of acting as though we don't deserve to be adored, cherished, spoiled, treated with generosity…we may secretly or even loudly yearn for these exact things, and even worse…we forget we CAN do it for ourselves!
In my experience, if a woman surrounds herself with something she loves and makes her heart sing, this joy will shine out into the world. And we all know the world needs more joy, lightness, and authentic beauty of spirit, right? Allowing ourselves these gestures of abundance and nurturing can make us more happy and complete human beings. No need to look far to see examples of this all around us:
- A vibrant, glowing elderly woman who wears a luscious purple scarf with panache…that optimistic splash of color expresses her personal style and vitality.
- The mom who dresses casually for her busy day but puts on a fabulous pair of blue earrings that matches her eyes…adding sparkle to her normal routine.
- That working woman who puts fresh flowers on her counter to greet her with delicious scent and color after a long day…a small luxury that makes her feel a bit more inspired and nurtured.
These women all have one thing in common: they took the time to do something special for themselves. They know how to "just do it" and celebrate life's little pleasures so they can experience enjoyment on a daily basis, not just waiting for a special occasion. And isn’t it true that we feel good just by being around a woman who embodies this positive energy? Her freedom of expression encourages us. So why would we deny this same gift to ourselves?
I want to challenge the mindset of scarcity and the habit of being ungenerous to ourselves. All it takes is a small shift in consciousness: we ARE worthy, we DO deserve to be nurtured, our yearnings ARE important. Until you DO, you will always believe you CAN'T. So, I invite every woman to take a few moments to observe our own limiting beliefs, the ways we make ourselves small and judge our desires. If we are attracted to something, if it "speaks" to us, if our aesthetic is pleased by fresh flowers, or the color magenta, or long sparkly earrings…who says we can't and shouldn't? And why wait for someone else to provide it for us when we can do it for ourselves, now and today? Make an offering to that little girl inside you who craves roses, or Amethyst, or pretty dresses. A gesture of goodwill toward our inner yearnings can be very powerful and free us up to enjoy life more fully.
I invite you to take a risk with your personal style- be it clothing or jewelry, fresh flowers for your table, or a colorful painting for your wall. It really is quite easy. First, listen... What attracts you? What brings a smile into your heart? What makes you feel a twinge of jealousy? What color/shape/design makes your mouth water, your pulse quicken? These are roadmaps to our inner desires. Observe and recognize these clues. Then take a small step toward what is calling you…stretch just a little and see how it feels. Make a conscious choice to give yourself permission to be a bit "too much"…you might be surprised with how good this feels! Allow yourself a small luxury that brings loveliness into your life. It doesn't have to be expensive to be richly rewarding. You certainly deserve to have beauty and abundance, and a helping of sweetness that brings you joy. Life is NOW, life is short…it is vital to enjoy what you love today!
...let me know how it goes!
Love and light,